A selection of verses from The Jewish Limerick Book
Desirous of being revered,
A rabbi once grew a long beard.
Said a colleague, “I swear
God loves facial hair
But, madam, on you it looks weird!”
Josh Cohen once said in a huff:
“Oy! Pleasing my parents is tough!
Each girlfriend of mine -
‘Too Jewish,’ they whine,
Or else, ‘She’s not Jewish enough!’”
The Chutzpadik Nudnik
I once knew a nudnik called Shloimy.
Whatever he said would annoy me.
But what left me coldest,
He married my oldest,
Then said to me, “Right, now employ me!”
Though meant to stop lecherous glances,
A 'sheitel' - if stylish - enhances.
Thus wives with plain faces
Have found in some cases
Their wigs prompt adulterous advances!
It’s rightly called “bread of affliction”,
For matzah becomes an addiction.
You’d better take care, though;
Like the Jews under Pharaoh,
It can’t be released without friction!
In the Beginning
The Lord said, “It’s time for some fun:
I’ll let there be light where there’s none!”
This worked like a treat -
A miraculous feat
As He’d not yet created the sun!
The Wisdom of Solomon
Of the monarchs who’ve reigned hitherto,
King Solomon’s one of the few
To be judged very clever
For threatening to sever
The child of a subject in two!