A selection of verses from The Jewish Limerick Book


Equal Opportunities 

 Desirous of being revered,

A rabbi once grew a long beard.

Said a colleague, “I swear

 God loves facial hair

But, madam, on you it looks weird!”



Never Satisfied!


Josh Cohen once said in a huff:

“Oy! Pleasing my parents is tough!

Each girlfriend of mine -

‘Too Jewish,’ they whine,

Or else, ‘She’s not Jewish enough!’”



The Chutzpadik Nudnik 


I once knew a nudnik called Shloimy.

Whatever he said would annoy me.

But what left me coldest,

He married my oldest,

Then said to me, “Right, now employ me!”



Modesty Shmodesty!

Though meant to stop lecherous glances,

A 'sheitel' - if stylish - enhances.

Thus wives with plain faces

Have found in some cases

Their wigs prompt adulterous advances!



 It’s rightly called “bread of affliction”,

For matzah becomes an addiction.

You’d better take care, though;

Like the Jews under Pharaoh,

It can’t be released without friction!



In the Beginning 

The Lord said, “It’s time for some fun:

I’ll let there be light where there’s none!”

This worked like a treat -

A miraculous feat

As He’d not yet created the sun!



The Wisdom of Solomon 

Of the monarchs who’ve reigned hitherto,

King Solomon’s one of the few

To be judged very clever

For threatening to sever

The child of a subject in two!